i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
