Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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