Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
