you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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