I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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