I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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