do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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