She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
