I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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