I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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