new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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