I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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