I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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