was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Couch. On fire.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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