This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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