Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
