I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
