You made me cry and you don't even care
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
