LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
