The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
