fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
