there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
