please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
