I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
