do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I got inside last night via doggy door
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
