are you still at the devil's house?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
