Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
