i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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