Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
