a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
