i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
