omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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