You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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