Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
