real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
