Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
