Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize