Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I understand Curling. That high.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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