the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
