he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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