So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
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I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
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No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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