just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
