remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize