dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
