so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
How's work?
Spinning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
