I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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