I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
