I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
