I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im holly from the hills drunk
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
