So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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