Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
