i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
A+ Viking dick
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
