She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
