Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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