uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
