I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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