Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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