So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
