apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
