toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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