So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
