There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
