I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
50% drunk capacity currently
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
